;__;

 

I have been constantly getting really really pissed off, because everyone is being either really stressed out or really emo and it's hard to have a good time when everyone is like that. =/ I know grade 12 is hard and everything; I'm stressing out too, but it doesn't hurt to calm down every now and then.

 

So seriously, all of you who are getting high(er than my) marks, calm down. D: There's people who are doing worse and I understand that you need it to get into some program that you want, but at least try to understand that when you bitch about your not-that-bad marks, it seriously bothers someone else. I've done it, but I try to keep it to a minimum. COMPLAIN TO THE RIGHT PEOPLE; DON'T COMPLAIN TO ME.

Because none of you failed a physics quiz with 20%.

And because none of you have to act as someone else's bitchbag, it's hard to find people who have a damn clue about what I'm talking about.

 

That's for another rant. I'll do it when I have 2 tests and a painting due in a couple days again.

Currently listening to: Some Asian song

So I suppose things haven't gotten much better since last time I posted. Sorry about the whole -look through the mirror- kind of writing. It's one of those things that come and go. xD

 

Anyways. I haven't seen that guy who still likes me. He doesn't show up at school much anymore for certain reasons. There are a couple of us who srsly don't like him, so I'm really not the only one feels that way. But there's a certain someone who is very skeptical (confused is srsly not the right word) about why we don't like him. Give it up, I just don't like him. That's that, you don't have to be right 100% of the time. Heck, you don't have to be the special one 100% of the time.

I feel horrible, but I didn't vote a certain someone just because his/her advertising committee was pissing me off. "VOTE _____" more than twice a day is really annoying to take. I really did felt like he/she would have done a good job either. But I was rather disappointed with most of the results, anyways.

 

Man-hunting? Meh, it's not like I care enough to make much of an effort. xD There have been a couple guys I thought about who I probably wouldn't ever have thought about before, but I'm sure nothing is going to happen. Despite what others and I assume about him.

And I'm seriously not a whore. I don't bang other guys every 2 days >_> I'm just trying to live high school as something more than just work. And since I'm still kinda mad/annoyed at a couple of people, it limits who I want to talk to. D; 

 

I've been going through my old yearbooks and stuff and I definitely want to know what would have happened to me if I went to MDHS instead. I'm really glad that I came here instead, for the friends I've made and the friends I left (Well, only to some of them), but I wonder if I'd still be the quiet loner kid I was back at Berczy. Really. I didn't have the guts to talk to anyone at all. But I'm really glad that the group from back then I have now are still friends. They're the best.

I'm such a nostalgic freak. xD I've been going through old drawings (that I really need to burn D; ) and old music, because for some reason, I have engraved memories from these old songs that I can remember again when I listen to them. Things like reading certain books, or watching a certain anime or singing with some people. I think my Giftedness comes from having these random skills that will never come in handy, because I really don't feel gifted otherwise.

 

And pas usual, I'm supposed to be studying for something, so I'm gonna fly!

 

 

 

Currently listening to: Breathe - Michelle Branch

So. It's been a while.

 

I've made a discovery about someone's true feelings, but I suppose it wouldn't have made too much of a difference, because I still feel as awkward around them as I did before. It's possibly even more awkward now when my original guess has been finally confirmed. It's been almost 3 years.

Plus, my list of people I don't want to talk to is growing rapidly, mostly by stupid reasons and logic that I don't see in them, and I shouldn't shun anyone out because I think that I am more logical. It makes me feel so horrible on the inside, but at the same time, being with them can be so FRUSTRATING.

I'm still somewhat of a secret-keeper nowadays, but it's surprisingly not as stressful as it's been before. I actually feel a little special when someone trusts me enough to keep a secret, not just as a vent because I have never spoken before.

Being a vent isn't always a bad thing either. You can get the satisfaction of helping someone out. But I guess I've been using it as a cover-up for the horrible I feel inside for wanting to shun. It's a pity that it involves the same group of people as well. 

I don't regret being around as a man-hunter either. The thrill of "I wonder how he feels about me" is sort of a comfort zone for me. There's no stress of a serious relationship and I don't really feel like I could be serious about one at this stage in my life. Although if the right guy approaches, I would definitely think about it.

 Then again, maybe leaving high school with a "I'll never see him again!" isn't such a startling idea either. I never should expect anything to happen, and just wait for them to happen. Life's a lot more interesting when you don't know what's around the corner.

 

My goal right now? Maybe become closer to my friends. I always thought that I've been pretty close, but there are some that I don't feel close to anymore. And with school pushing me through a meat grinder, there's really no time to do it either.

So I guess I'll just hope for a good opportunity  to make up for it, and possibly even pass school with some decent marks at the same time.

 

Love you all~  

Currently listening to: When She Loved Me - Jordan Pruitt

Heeeey. :D

 

So, I have two exams left, english and chemistry. I just want to look over some poetic devices for english, and I should be okay. For chemistry, I think I should be a little scared, but I really haven't taken chem seriously since...maybe the first week of school D: I hate how I instantly stop trying once something is too easy >_> And once it gets hard, I just DIE. I'm hoping that it won't happen in math, because, I just plain suck at math D: And by suck, I mean make a million careless mistakes that insanely drop my mark >_>

 

Also, I'm debating whether or not I'd like to go to culinary school, 'cause I love cooking, but I don't know if I'd want to work at a restaurant, etc. Maybe I just like cooking for myself, LOL. And I cannot describe how insanely I love honey D: Like, I hate honey by itself, but once you add it to something it's like a miracle D8 (I'm having hot chocolate with honey in it now xD)

 

Anyways, I should probably get back to studying now xD You guys should comment here more often, so I don't feel like a loner/rejected child/etc. xD

P.S. Happy birthday Alice! :D 

Currently listening to: Bubbly - Colbie something

Kay so, it's almost exams D: I love how I only blog when I'm pressured for time and really busy. Distraction, ftw 8)

 

There's been a lot of drama and stuff going around, and someone decided that I was going to be the magic secret-keeper WITHOUT a vent. I supposedly currently have two vents, but I'm very iffy on what I tell both of them. It's not like I keep stuff ABOUT them away from them; I'm just tired of not being able to tell someone everything without being 100% sure that it won't leak out somewhere. Of course I trust both of them, but you just can't be 100% sure anymore. That's happened to me too many times to make a mistake now. There's really a lot that I can rant on about here, but with the link of my blog in my MSN name, it's really hard to find the people who are actually reading my blogs (although I'm usually sure that no one reads these anyways.) I guess what I want is just one single person that I can vent everything to, with the reassurance that I know that nothing will leak out. I mean, I love my friends and everything, but there's so much I feel like I need to keep away from certain ones, or else I'd be responsible for officially messing up their life.

I'm TIRED of being the secret-keeper. I've been the secret-keeper ever since I went to Berczy. Where are my secrets going to go? Because I find that when I seriously need a vent, I start telling confidential things to people. Of course I always have the situation under control, so I make SURE that no one finds out. (And to any of you, if you repeat anything about anyone that I've told you, I WILL hunt down your sorry butt.) I just hate this responsibility, because I know that back in Berczy, I was just someone's vent because they decided that I wasn't going to tell anyone, JUST because I was known as the quiet kid. And of COURSE people were going to be suspicious. I know a certain someone tried to fend everyone away from me, and used my silence as a reason.

So maybe that's why I spend so much on Gaia. There, I have a lot more reassurance of not letting my RL friends know about anything. I know it's the internet, blah-blah blah, but when you're this desperate, you'll do anything.

 

Another issue I have is when people start assuming that Gifted people are brilliantly smart. This is something that's been going on ever since I was in a non-Gifted environment again. So many people have been: "Oh, you're GIFTED? Wow, you must be so smart!" Think again. Take a look at some of my marks and we'll see how "smart" I am. So it definitely can't be marks that make people think that I'm some A+ student. Maybe it's the fact that I get a completely useless IEP every year (Individual Education plan), where I'm supposed to be in a "Regular Class with Monitoring Support", when I've only met my Sped counselor once or twice, and all she does it take my folder and put me into a file drawer, because I really don't need any "support" from them. I'd rather be in "Partially Self-Contained Class" again, because it makes me feel special and crazy in a way. And what's with sped being a bad thing? I swear, it's like discrimination. When people think Special Education, they think people who are mentally retarded. So when I tell people that I'm a Sped student, they immediately say: "Oh, you're not a sped! You're smart!"

ARGH. 

 

Anyways, I'm sorry for my long rants again, I just really hate it when people immediately mis-judge me without even talking to me first. D: So I guess what I really want this year is one solitary person that I can spill everything to and for people to not judge me. I'd also like some reassurance that I'm not totally doomed in my love life, because ti's been seriously sucking lately, and I know someone else who'd like that as well.

 

New Year's Resolutions? To stop being an ass and just suck it all up, I suppose.  

Currently listening to: Everyday - High School Musical 2
Currently reading: Biology Textbook
Currently feeling: Annoyed. Srsly.