Kay so, it's almost exams D: I love how I only blog when I'm pressured for time and really busy. Distraction, ftw 8)
There's been a lot of drama and stuff going around, and someone decided that I was going to be the magic secret-keeper WITHOUT a vent. I supposedly currently have two vents, but I'm very iffy on what I tell both of them. It's not like I keep stuff ABOUT them away from them; I'm just tired of not being able to tell someone everything without being 100% sure that it won't leak out somewhere. Of course I trust both of them, but you just can't be 100% sure anymore. That's happened to me too many times to make a mistake now. There's really a lot that I can rant on about here, but with the link of my blog in my MSN name, it's really hard to find the people who are actually reading my blogs (although I'm usually sure that no one reads these anyways.) I guess what I want is just one single person that I can vent everything to, with the reassurance that I know that nothing will leak out. I mean, I love my friends and everything, but there's so much I feel like I need to keep away from certain ones, or else I'd be responsible for officially messing up their life.
I'm TIRED of being the secret-keeper. I've been the secret-keeper ever since I went to Berczy. Where are my secrets going to go? Because I find that when I seriously need a vent, I start telling confidential things to people. Of course I always have the situation under control, so I make SURE that no one finds out. (And to any of you, if you repeat anything about anyone that I've told you, I WILL hunt down your sorry butt.) I just hate this responsibility, because I know that back in Berczy, I was just someone's vent because they decided that I wasn't going to tell anyone, JUST because I was known as the quiet kid. And of COURSE people were going to be suspicious. I know a certain someone tried to fend everyone away from me, and used my silence as a reason.
So maybe that's why I spend so much on Gaia. There, I have a lot more reassurance of not letting my RL friends know about anything. I know it's the internet, blah-blah blah, but when you're this desperate, you'll do anything.
Another issue I have is when people start assuming that Gifted people are brilliantly smart. This is something that's been going on ever since I was in a non-Gifted environment again. So many people have been: "Oh, you're GIFTED? Wow, you must be so smart!" Think again. Take a look at some of my marks and we'll see how "smart" I am. So it definitely can't be marks that make people think that I'm some A+ student. Maybe it's the fact that I get a completely useless IEP every year (Individual Education plan), where I'm supposed to be in a "Regular Class with Monitoring Support", when I've only met my Sped counselor once or twice, and all she does it take my folder and put me into a file drawer, because I really don't need any "support" from them. I'd rather be in "Partially Self-Contained Class" again, because it makes me feel special and crazy in a way. And what's with sped being a bad thing? I swear, it's like discrimination. When people think Special Education, they think people who are mentally retarded. So when I tell people that I'm a Sped student, they immediately say: "Oh, you're not a sped! You're smart!"
ARGH.
Anyways, I'm sorry for my long rants again, I just really hate it when people immediately mis-judge me without even talking to me first. D: So I guess what I really want this year is one solitary person that I can spill everything to and for people to not judge me. I'd also like some reassurance that I'm not totally doomed in my love life, because ti's been seriously sucking lately, and I know someone else who'd like that as well.
New Year's Resolutions? To stop being an ass and just suck it all up, I suppose.
Currently listening to: Everyday - High School Musical 2
Currently reading: Biology Textbook
Currently feeling: Annoyed. Srsly.
Posted by Capsicorn at 03:12 PM | 1 Comments