So. It's been a while.

 

I've made a discovery about someone's true feelings, but I suppose it wouldn't have made too much of a difference, because I still feel as awkward around them as I did before. It's possibly even more awkward now when my original guess has been finally confirmed. It's been almost 3 years.

Plus, my list of people I don't want to talk to is growing rapidly, mostly by stupid reasons and logic that I don't see in them, and I shouldn't shun anyone out because I think that I am more logical. It makes me feel so horrible on the inside, but at the same time, being with them can be so FRUSTRATING.

I'm still somewhat of a secret-keeper nowadays, but it's surprisingly not as stressful as it's been before. I actually feel a little special when someone trusts me enough to keep a secret, not just as a vent because I have never spoken before.

Being a vent isn't always a bad thing either. You can get the satisfaction of helping someone out. But I guess I've been using it as a cover-up for the horrible I feel inside for wanting to shun. It's a pity that it involves the same group of people as well. 

I don't regret being around as a man-hunter either. The thrill of "I wonder how he feels about me" is sort of a comfort zone for me. There's no stress of a serious relationship and I don't really feel like I could be serious about one at this stage in my life. Although if the right guy approaches, I would definitely think about it.

 Then again, maybe leaving high school with a "I'll never see him again!" isn't such a startling idea either. I never should expect anything to happen, and just wait for them to happen. Life's a lot more interesting when you don't know what's around the corner.

 

My goal right now? Maybe become closer to my friends. I always thought that I've been pretty close, but there are some that I don't feel close to anymore. And with school pushing me through a meat grinder, there's really no time to do it either.

So I guess I'll just hope for a good opportunity  to make up for it, and possibly even pass school with some decent marks at the same time.

 

Love you all~  

Currently listening to: When She Loved Me - Jordan Pruitt